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The One Thing Holding You Back

Writer's picture: Finnegan MwapeFinnegan Mwape

Updated: Jan 30, 2021

It is the beginning of a new year and you have found yourself in a familiar position. You know you want to make personal changes in your life but you are scared. Life has beat you down over the years and that self doubt is lurking in the back of your mind. You are determined to change but you find yourself repeating the same self sabotaging actions as you attempt to make that transformation that you desperately need.



It is all in your head!!!


Most people go through life asleep but when they get jolted awake, either by a catastrophic event or a sudden urge to change their circumstances, they struggle to mount a meaningful response. They lack the will and intention to implement personal change. Why is this phenomenon common? Why do we spend most of our lives on “autopilot” and only seem to come back to life when are shaken back into it? The answer lies in the mind.


You see, the brain divides daily activities into two major categories - conscious and subconscious actions. Conscious actions are the actions we do intentionally and with purpose - we are aware of these actions when they happen and they are usually voluntary. Subconscious actions happen at a deeper level of our cognitive ability. These actions include things like breathing, protective evasive actions such as not knowingly jumping into oncoming traffic and good old habits! Let’s focus on habits - why? Because these subconscious actions (habits) start out as conscious actions and over time, they become “automatic” actions. One can have either bad habits or good habits. It all depends on the final product, and/or the result of the actions that make up a particular habit. To understand this duality in habits, one must understand how habits are formed. According to a seminal study published in the American Journal of Psychology, a habit is essentially is a continuous loop of events - a cue, an action and an outcome (a resolution). For example, when you feel that craving for a cigarette, or candy, that feeling is a cue. You take action (smoking or eating candy) based on that cue. The outcome is the temporary elimination of the craving. This loop repeats every time the cue goes off. Eventually, that loop will turn from conscious actions to subconscious actions. In other words, a habit is a behavior that starts as a choice, and then becomes unconscious pattern. Over time, a habit goes beyond just being a psychological change in our mind. It is also accompanied by a physiological one. Physiologically, the synapses in your brain get rewired overtime to perform the action that resolves the cue every time that cue fires.


Don't be scared - You are in control!


Now that we have a general understanding of how habits form, we can start to understand how to change things in our live for the better by deliberately embarking on a healthy habit transformation. We know that if we repeatedly perform actions that have a net positive effect on our lives and repeat these actions over time, we will form good habits. In turn these good habits will have a transforming effect on our lives. This habit transformation sounds simple but it hardly is. When bad habits take ahold, it is difficult to break the loop. So, why is bad habit transformation difficult and is this the one thing holding you back you ask? Well, the answer is simple. You are not intentional or purposeful when it comes to transforming your life - you are still bound by habits that reinforce inaction. You are simply going through the motions in life or worse yet, you start and stop the transformational actions before they become part of the repertoire of subconscious actions in your life that ultimately have that desired transformational impact - in other words, you have not endeavored to take transformational action with any semblance of sustained effort to make them habits. The question now becomes, how do you develop those habits that will bring about the transformation in your life that you desire?


Developing Transformational Habits


While it is very much possible to create new transformational habits, you should be aware that reprogramming your mind is not a simple feat. Lasting change, real change, requires a thorough examination and deep understanding of the cues and cravings that anchor your unique habit loop. You will need to dig deep and find out exactly the motivations behind your habits - why do you feel the urge to do something? what craving is this action satisfying? The answers to the questions will help you identify the triggers and and the incentives that you derive from the identified habits. You will need to understand the emotions, environments, actions and even people around you that trigger the habit. You will also need to experiment to find out the craving that is being satisficed by your habit by doing a variety of different things once the habit is triggered and then checking to see if the craving is gone. The transformation comes when you have correctly identified the trigger and the reward part of your habit loop. The trigger and rewards are connected by a "routine" or action that you usually perform to satisfy the craving. To begin changing your habits, introduce a new action or set of actions in the habit loop that is triggered by the old cue and delivers the same incentive as the old cue - for example; if loneliness makes you eat junk food and the junk food brings a sense of comfort, find an activity or action that brings the same satisfaction as junk food and replace the junk food in the habit loop with the identified activity. It could be controlled breathing for a minute or taking a short walk. Preferably something that is beneficial to your health.


All of this seems easier said than done but it is possible. You have to commit to behavioral control, mentally and physically. This type of personal development requires the use of motivational tools like self-talk, habit reversal training and definitely perseverance - a virtue in short supply among many. Consider hiring a personal development coach if you have the means. Studies show that you are likely to succeed if you have a coach in your corner - people like Oprah think so and do hire personal coaches. Check this article out for guidance.


To start your transformation, write down the identified cues and routines and the rewards that you have identified and read the written paragraph aloud every chance you get for at least two weeks - for example: When I feel lonely (Cue), I will take a deep breaths for one minute (Routine) because it brings me comfort (Reward). Use this format with the habits you want to change as part of your transformation and post the paragraph somewhere in your house where you can see it often and read it. Do this until it becomes second nature. Before you know it, you will have developed a new transformational habit and your brain will have been reward to respond in a positive way to your cues. Charles Duhigg, in his book, The Power of Habit, explains the forces behind habits and how to change them in great detail. As you begin to think about your personal transformation, do yourself a favor and read that book.





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